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12:26 a.m. 2006-09-19
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In Re Suggested SOP
OK, lets just get this out there, so we are all on the same page. Guys, you go to that side of the room. Girls, you go over there. There. Now we are all separated by gender, instead of sitting together in an integrated mash.
First things first, just so we are clear, if you organize people by gender, do you change the distribution of crazy people from when the room was simply randomly distributed? No, you don�t. Crazy people are still equally distributed in a gender segregated crowd. There is no use throwing your hands up and calling the other half nuts. Indeed, I�m afraid doing that would make you crazy yourself.
OK, now that we have confronted the mutually shared nutzie traits that run through this crowd, lets try to do something about it. If we are going to perpetuate the human race in the face of this mass insanity, we are going to need a plan, and I�m going to lay it out for all of you.
Guys, your going to have to do the asking out. I know, it goes against so much against the messages of feminism that we hear every day. That is a fact we are just going to have to get over. Somebody has to get the ball rolling, and it is just going to have to be you.
OK, girls, now I know you don�t want to do the asking, but you also don�t want to do all the rejecting. Well, tough luck. There is just no way we can get the system to work so that only the guys who you like ask you out. Your nonverbal communications just aren�t that good, your obvious signs aren�t that clear. This is your lot in life, if you don�t want to do the offering, all you have left is the accepting or the rejecting. This is, of course an awkward position to be in. A guy who isn�t quite good enough gets the same answer as somebody you hold in deep contempt. You wish you had more signals than yes and no. Guys do understand this. Guys also understand that it sometimes takes you a little bit to come around, and a first rejection isn�t always an ultimate rejection.
How do we get around this? We use the rule of 3, and old Midwestern tradition. You offer food 3 times, and generally it is politely turned down twice. If it is turned down the third time, then the no is for real.
The same applies to relationship rejection. You are free to not give an indication of how much the guy falls short of what you would accept for a date, you don�t have to say �close, but no cigar.� Guys, you can ask up to 3 times, and if you still haven�t gotten a yes, then I�m afraid it is out of your hands. The relationship isn�t forever doomed, but it is now on the girls shoulders. If there is going to be a date, she is going to have to do the asking. Guy, after three askings with ambiguous rejections, you are expected to start dropping the girl. Feel free to think less of her, she obviously thinks less of you. Perfectly normal defense mechanism.
This begs the question, what is an ambiguous rejection? Anything that leaves unstated the hopelessness of a guys pursuit is to be considered ambiguous. A blind optimism must be nurtured in the male breast if the guys are going to be expected to do the asking, and nothing sort of bone chilling clarity of rejection will be enough to turn it away. Are we talking �look, let me be clear, I�m just not interested in you in that way. Not this time and please don�t ask again�? Yes we are. Asking it tough, it does involve putting yourself out there. Being left hanging isn�t doing anybody any favors. None of this �you�re a really nice guy but�� BS. It isn�t doing anybody any favors. You might honestly think he is a nice guy, but lets face it, if you really thought highly of him, there wouldn�t be that �but� in there, would there?
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